Chief Anus: Solomon Ratt (y-dialect)

https://iheartguts.com/products/rectum-lapel-pin Wear a pin to show them who’s boss!

Sol offers this as his contribution to story-telling month for 2019.

One friend commented that the story is hardly new: people have been making the same complaint about bosses for millenia! I hope it makes you laugh!

pêyakwâw kî-kâh-kihkâmitiwak pâh-pahki miyaw. kihkâmitowak awîna kâ-tipêyihtahk miyaw.
“niya nitipêyihtênân miyaw ayisk ê-wâpahtayôskêyâhk,” itwêwak miskîsikwa. “niyanân okimâwak!”
“niya nitipêyihtênân miyaw ayisk ê-pêhtâkanohkêyâhk,” itwêwak mihtawakaya. “niyanân okimâwak!”
“niya nitipêyihtên miyaw ayisk ê-pîkiskwâtamohkêyân,” itwêw mitôn. “niya okimâw!”
“niya nitipêyihtên miyaw ayisk ê-wêpinamân kahkiyaw kîkway kâ-mâyiskâkoyêk,” itwêw mîsâkan. “niya okimâw!”
kahkiyaw pâhpihik! kisîmik! êkwâni kâ-kiposit mîsâkan, ê-kisipikahcêhât miyawa. mêtoni kinwêsk kisipahcêw.
piyisk miskîsikwa misi-pâkacâpiwak. mêtoni êkâ ê-kî-wâpicik.
piyisk mihtawakaya têwêhtawakêwak. mêtoni êkâ ê-kî-pêhtahkik.
piyisk pâkânipayiw mitôn. mêtoni êkâ ê-kî-pîkiskwêt.
mêtoni ê-ati-nanamipayik miyaw.
wahwâ! kitimâkisiwak. piyisk mâmawi-mawimowak.
“hâw, mîsâkan! kiya! kiya okimâw! pôyo-kipociwi!”
êkwâni mâni-mâka wiya êsa mîsâkan okimâw!

ᐯᔭᒁᐤ ᑮ ᑳᐦ ᑭᐦᑳᒥᑎᐘᐠ ᐹᐦ ᐸᐦᑭ ᒥᔭᐤ᙮ ᑭᐦᑳᒥᑐᐘᐠ ᐊᐑᓇ ᑳ ᑎᐯᔨᐦᑕᕽ ᒥᔭᐤ᙮
“ᓂᔭ ᓂᑎᐯᔨᐦᑌᓈᐣ ᒥᔭᐤ ᐊᔨᐢᐠ ᐁ ᐚᐸᐦᑕᔫᐢᑫᔮᕽ,” ᐃᑘᐘᐠ ᒥᐢᑮᓯᑿ᙮ “ᓂᔭᓈᐣ ᐅᑭᒫᐘᐠ!”
“ᓂᔭ ᓂᑎᐯᔨᐦᑌᓈᐣ ᒥᔭᐤ ᐊᔨᐢᐠ ᐁ ᐯᐦᑖᑲᓄᐦᑫᔮᕽ,” ᐃᑘᐘᐠ ᒥᐦᑕᐘᑲᔭ᙮ “ᓂᔭᓈᐣ ᐅᑭᒫᐘᐠ!”
“ᓂᔭ ᓂᑎᐯᔨᐦᑌᐣ ᒥᔭᐤ ᐊᔨᐢᐠ ᐁ ᐲᑭᐢᒁᑕᒧᐦᑫᔮᐣ,” ᐃᑘᐤ ᒥᑑᐣ᙮ “ᓂᔭ ᐅᑭᒫᐤ!”
“ᓂᔭ ᓂᑎᐯᔨᐦᑌᐣ ᒥᔭᐤ ᐊᔨᐢᐠ ᐁ ᐍᐱᓇᒫᐣ ᑲᐦᑭᔭᐤ ᑮᑿᕀ ᑳ ᒫᔨᐢᑳᑯᔦᐠ,” ᐃᑘᐤ ᒦᓵᑲᐣ᙮ “ᓂᔭ ᐅᑭᒫᐤ!”
ᑲᐦᑭᔭᐤ ᐹᐦᐱᐦᐃᐠ! ᑭᓰᒥᐠ! ᐁᒁᓂ ᑳ ᑭᐳᓯᐟ ᒦᓵᑲᐣ, ᐁ ᑭᓯᐱᑲᐦᒉᐦᐋᐟ ᒥᔭᐘ᙮ ᒣᑐᓂ ᑭᓊᐢᐠ ᑭᓯᐸᐦᒉᐤ᙮
ᐱᔨᐢᐠ ᒥᐢᑮᓯᑿ ᒥᓯ ᐹᑲᒑᐱᐘᐠ᙮ ᒣᑐᓂ ᐁᑳ ᐁ ᑮ ᐚᐱᒋᐠ᙮
ᐱᔨᐢᐠ ᒥᐦᑕᐘᑲᔭ ᑌᐍᐦᑕᐘᑫᐘᐠ᙮ ᒣᑐᓂ ᐁᑳ ᐁ ᑮ ᐯᐦᑕᐦᑭᐠ᙮
ᐱᔨᐢᐠ ᐹᑳᓂᐸᔨᐤ ᒥᑑᐣ᙮ ᒣᑐᓂ ᐁᑳ ᐁ ᑮ ᐲᑭᐢᑵᐟ᙮
ᒣᑐᓂ ᐁ ᐊᑎ ᓇᓇᒥᐸᔨᐠ ᒥᔭᐤ᙮
ᐘᐦᐚ! ᑭᑎᒫᑭᓯᐘᐠ᙮ ᐱᔨᐢᐠ ᒫᒪᐏ ᒪᐏᒧᐘᐠ᙮
“ᐦᐋᐤ, ᒦᓵᑲᐣ! ᑭᔭ! ᑭᔭ ᐅᑭᒫᐤ! ᐴᔪ ᑭᐳᒋᐏ!”
ᐁᒁᓂ ᒫᓂ ᒫᑲ ᐏᔭ ᐁᓴ ᒦᓵᑲᐣ ᐅᑭᒫᐤ!

One time the body parts were arguing. They were arguing about who ruled the body.
“We rule the body because we make it possible for y’all to see,” say the eyes. “We are the Chiefs!”
“We rule the body because we make it possible for y’all to hear,” say the ears. “We are the Chiefs!”
“I rule the body because I make it possible for y’all to speak,” says the mouth. “I am the Chief!”
“I rule the body because I throw away all the things that make you ill,” say the anus. “I am the Chief!”
They all laugh at him. They make him angry. Then anus shuts his hole, making the body constipated. He made it constipated for a long time!
Eventually the eyes swell up. They were unable to see!
Eventually the ears start to ache. They were unable to hear!
Eventually the mouth starts to swell up. He was unable to speak.
The body starts to shake!
Wah! They were in a pitiful state. Eventually they pleaded together!
“Okay Anus! You! You are the chief! Quit being constipated.”
For sure then, it is the anus who is the Chief!

About Arden Ogg

Arden Ogg is Director of the Cree Literacy Network, launched in 2010 with the goal of creating Cree language literacy materials suitable for use by learners of all ages.
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1 Response to Chief Anus: Solomon Ratt (y-dialect)

  1. Heather says:

    Lol! I love it! Visualizing it all sure made me laugh! It would make a wonderful book or animated short video for language learning if CAREFULLY, creatively and humoursly depicted. The story is really engaging and compelling that a lot of the language in it would probably “stick” pretty quickly! It has great “life teaching” in it, too!

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