One day Solomon Ratt was riding along on his bike, when suddenly, he saw some golfers, and thought up a new story – of the kind his uncles used to tell as part of the “Best Liar” competitions at winter festivals. In English, we might call these stories “Whoppers,” or maybe “Tall Tales.”
Sol says his uncles were always the best and funniest of the storytellers, but it seems to me I’ve heard a few of these from Winston Wuttunnee, too. There’s even a Cree name for them: kiyâskêw âcimowina – Lying Stories.
pêyakwâw, kâ-kî-oskâyawiyân, nikî-nitawi-kwâskwêtahikân. kapê-kîsik nikî-kwâskwêtahikân mâka mâna kapê niwâwanihâwak pâkahacowânisak, âtiht sakâhk, âtiht sâkahikanisihk. iskwâyâc kâ-kwâskwêtahak pâkahacowânis sakâhk kâ-ispayit. kâ-matwê-tâwastikwânêhât pihêwa, ê-nipahât. kâ-kwâskôsihk êkota ohci mohcihk ê-itakocihk. kâ-tâwistikwânêhât wâposwa, ê-nipahât. êkota ohci kwâskwêkocin, sâkahikanisihk ê-itakocihk. kâ-tâwistikwânêhât nisto sîsîpa, ê-nipahât! kâ-kwâskwêkocihk êkota ohci. mêtoni ê-ispakocihk, kâ-ati-nihcipayit. wahwâ! pôsipayiw wâcisihk! pêyak wâcisihk ê-kaskihoyân.
ᐯᔭᒁᐤ, ᑳ ᑮ ᐅᐢᑳᔭᐏᔮᐣ, ᓂᑮ ᓂᑕᐏ ᒁᐢᑵᑕᐦᐃᑳᐣ᙮ ᑲᐯ ᑮᓯᐠ ᓂᑮ ᒁᐢᑵᑕᐦᐃᑳᐣ ᒫᑲ ᒫᓇ ᑲᐯ ᓂᐚᐘᓂᐦᐋᐘᐠ ᐹᑲᐦᐊᒍᐚᓂᓴᐠ, ᐋᑎᐦᐟ ᓴᑳᕽ, ᐋᑎᐦᐟ ᓵᑲᐦᐃᑲᓂᓯᕽ᙮ ᐃᐢᒁᔮᐨ ᑳ ᒁᐢᑵᑕᐦᐊᐠ ᐹᑲᐦᐊᒍᐚᓂᐢ ᓴᑳᕽ ᑳ ᐃᐢᐸᔨᐟ᙮ ᑳ ᒪᑘ ᑖᐘᐢᑎᒁᓀᐦᐋᐟ ᐱᐦᐁᐘ, ᐁ ᓂᐸᐦᐋᐟ᙮ ᑳ ᒁᐢᑰᓯᕽ ᐁᑯᑕ ᐅᐦᒋ ᒧᐦᒋᕽ ᐁ ᐃᑕᑯᒋᕽ᙮ ᑳ ᑖᐏᐢᑎᒁᓀᐦᐋᐟ ᐚᐳᔁ, ᐁ ᓂᐸᐦᐋᐟ᙮ ᐁᑯᑕ ᐅᐦᒋ ᒁᐢᑵᑯᒋᐣ, ᓵᑲᐦᐃᑲᓂᓯᕽ ᐁ ᐃᑕᑯᒋᕽ᙮ ᑳ ᑖᐏᐢᑎᒁᓀᐦᐋᐟ ᓂᐢᑐ ᓰᓰᐸ, ᐁ ᓂᐸᐦᐋᐟ! ᑳ ᒁᐢᑵᑯᒋᕽ ᐁᑯᑕ ᐅᐦᒋ᙮ ᒣᑐᓂ ᐁ ᐃᐢᐸᑯᒋᕽ, ᑳ ᐊᑎ ᓂᐦᒋᐸᔨᐟ᙮ ᐘᐦᐚ! ᐴᓯᐸᔨᐤ ᐚᒋᓯᕽ! ᐯᔭᐠ ᐚᒋᓯᕽ ᐁ ᑲᐢᑭᐦᐅᔮᐣ᙮
One day when I was young I went golfing. I golfed all day but I kept losing my golf balls, some in the bush, some in the small lakes. On my last swing the ball went toward the bush. It hit a grouse on the head, killing it. Then it bounced from there toward the ground and hit a rabbit on the head, killing it. From there it bounced toward the lake hitting three ducks on their heads, killing them. It bounced from there! It went way up and it came down. Wah! It went right into the hole. I had a hole in one! tâpwê!